I read this poem by Rupi Kaur that spoke to me as a man, a father of a daughter, and a pastor.
* * * *
to fathers with daughters
every time you
tell your daughter
you yell at her
out of love
you teach her to confuse
anger with kindness
which seems like a good idea
till she grows up to
trust men who hurt her
cause they look so much
* * * *
I am thankful for this poem.
It reminds me that love is patient and kind…
Love is not boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.
It is not irritable (or irate for that matter) and does not keep records of wrongs.
Love does not shame, domineer, lord over, belittle, yell in anger. It does not rage. It does not roar. That is not what love looks like.
And yet, we’ve heard this kind of description of love given before, haven’t we?
Maybe from a preacher who is “rebuking” you because he “loves” you.
But love never requires such explanations. Love is self-evident.
Love is self-giving.
No matter how much we say, “I love you, you know that—right?” as we demean, embarrass, and shame people, the damage remains.
Do you see what I mean?